When “I do” becomes “I don’t”

Divorce takes the biggest toll on women

The Female Quotient
February 24, 2026 • Estimated Reading Time: 16 minutes

WHAT’S ON DECK

Tell Me More: Women are 70% more likely to initiate a divorce
Troublemaker Spotlight: Melissa Ben-Ishay, CEO & Co-Founder, Baked by Melissa
The women who powered Milano Cortina
Dear FQ: My manager runs hot and cold. How do I handle unpredictable leadership?
Poll the Pack: What would you do with an extra hour?
TLDR 🎙️: Listen here

TELL ME MORE

From "till death do us part” to parting ways

Journalist Helen Rowland once quipped, “Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.” And that inquest? It takes a toll financially, mentally, and physically. In the U.S., divorce has never been easy. And historically, it’s been especially hard on women.

Let’s rewind: for much of the 20th century, divorce wasn’t just complicated, it was adversarial. Until the 1950s, one spouse had to be legally “at fault” for a marriage to end. Acceptable reasons included abandonment, abuse, infidelity, impotence, or incest. Someone had to lose for someone else to be free.

Because divorce required proof, couples often hired paid witnesses to lie under oath and testify to wrongdoing just to satisfy the court. The process was expensive, drawn out, and, big shock, tended to benefit men or trap women in unhappy or unsafe marriages. Many women with fewer economic opportunities stayed put because they literally couldn’t leave.

And it’s important to understand just how deeply marriage was designed to limit women’s autonomy. It wasn’t until 1993 that marital rape was criminalized in all 50 U.S. states. Before that, women did not have the legal right to refuse sex with their husbands. Even today, marital rape is treated differently than other forms of rape in some states, with variations in prosecution standards or sentencing. The message was clear for decades: marriage often protected men’s rights over women’s safety.

Then came a cultural reckoning. In 1963, Betty Friedan published The Feminine Mystique, giving voice to a feeling many women knew well. “Each suburban wife struggles with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night, and she was afraid to ask…the silent question…'Is this all?” That question lit a fuse.

Women began organizing, founding The National Organization for Women, advocating for political representation, fighting for reproductive rights, and creating hotlines for survivors of assault and domestic violence. They started questioning not just their marriages, but the systems that defined their roles within them.

That shift helped push California to pass the first no-fault divorce law in 1969, sparking reforms nationwide and making it easier to walk away from unhappy or abusive marriages. Divorce rates rose nationwide; not because marriages suddenly got worse, but because women had a way out. Today, about 40–50% of first marriages in the U.S. still end in divorce, though rates have declined over the last few decades. Even with legal barriers lowered, divorce remains deeply gendered.

In heterosexual marriages, caregiving still overwhelmingly falls to women. That often means scaling back paid work, or leaving the workforce entirely, while already earning less due to the wage gap. When divorce happens, many women find themselves re‑entering the workforce after time away, funding legal fees, supporting themselves, and continuing as the primary caregiver.

The result? A post‑divorce wealth gap where men hold 2.5 times more assets than women.

The system doesn’t help. Many states still require couples to live “separate and apart” for months, or even years, before finalizing a no‑fault divorce. Hawaii has the longest requirement at two years. A 2019 poll found the average divorce takes one year, and 13% take more than two. That delay can be financially devastating.

As Johnny Carson once said, “The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” While courts can intervene, doing so costs time, money, and emotional energy that women often don’t have. That emotional toll is real. Certified Divorce Financial Analyst Lori Lustberg explains it: “That emotional wearing down is very real…They think, ‘I’ll just take whatever he’s offering, and I’ll deal with it,’ just to be done.”

Going through a divorce is a grieving process; it is the death of a marriage and the life one imagined for themselves. And it shows up at work. A 2021 study found 74% of women said divorce impacted their ability to function professionally, 35% reported decreased productivity, and more than half felt unsupported by management when they needed flexibility for court dates and caregiving.

Given all this, here’s the most shocking stat: women are 70% more likely than men to initiate divorce, and are much happier afterwards. Yes, even with the financial strain. Even while shouldering most of the childcare. Even with the emotional cost.

So what gives? Interestingly, women and men are equally likely to end a non-marital relationship. According to sociologist Michael Rosenfeld, the difference is marriage itself. “I think that marriage as an institution has been a little bit slow to catch up with expectations for gender equality. Wives still take their husbands’ surnames, and are sometimes pressured to do so. Husbands still expect their wives to do the bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare. On the other hand, I think that non-marital relationships lack the historical baggage and expectations of marriage, which makes the non-marital relationships more flexible and therefore more adaptable to modern expectations, including women’s expectations for more gender equality.”

Even in marriages where men are involved caregivers, women still tend to handle the invisible labor: cooking, cleaning, managing schedules. Over time, that imbalance erodes attraction and partnership. In fact, women who do the majority of the childcare are less sexually attracted to their partners, as they begin to see them as another one of their kids.

The hard truth? Marriage benefits men more than women. Married men and fathers earn more, are perceived more favorably at work, and live longer. A Framingham Offspring Study found married men have a 46% lower risk of death than unmarried men. After divorce, men are more likely to remarry. Women are not, and many report being more fulfilled single.

Why? Autonomy. Women now earn more bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral degrees than men. They make up a majority of the workforce. They’re less financially dependent and less willing to tolerate inequity, poor treatment, or outdated systems that no longer serve them.

Today, if a woman chooses divorce, she no longer has to prove she was “wronged.” She simply has to decide that something isn’t right for her anymore. And that, perhaps, is the most radical shift of all.

Ever replay a small thing in your head for hours? For many women with ADHD, that pattern is common, and it can impact confidence and performance. Even as conversations about ADHD grow, nearly 50% of adults say stigma around neurodiversity feels stronger than ever. Women with ADHD are often perceived differently from men, leading to missed diagnoses and overlooked potential in the workplace.

Learn more about Understood.org here.

TROUBLEMAKER SPOTLIGHT

Melissa Ben-Ishay, CEO & Co-Founder, Baked by Melissa

From running a baked goods empire to turning salad into a viral sensation, Melissa Ben-Ishay has a culinary Midas touch. She’s the Co-Founder and CEO of Baked by Melissa, the New York-based dessert brand famous for its handcrafted bite-sized cupcakes and treats.

Part of Melissa’s popularity comes from her balanced food philosophy: if you get your nourishment from mealtime, you can enjoy dessert every day. And it’s working on all fronts. She has over 5M social followers and counting, has been featured in the New York Times, on the TODAY Show, Drew Barrymore Show, and more, and recently announced her highly anticipated third cookbook, Come Eat.

What’s the best piece of non-obvious career advice you’ve gotten?

There are so many great ones. I’ll share a few:

Don't focus on the competition; instead, focus on defining what your brand is and stick to it.
Trust your gut and keep swimming.
Always make hay when the sun shines; in other words, act while the conditions are right and don’t waste a good opportunity.

What was a heartbeat moment for you in your career?

I started posting the salads and meals I was making for my family on TikTok as a way to learn how to use the app. The content quickly started to go viral on @bakedbymelissa, and I immediately saw the opportunity to build a community by delivering content that provides real value.

Now we have millions of followers across our social channels. I wrote a New York Times bestselling cookbook about salads, and the social growth has expanded the Baked by Melissa brand in ways I couldn't have imagined.

You just received the marketing version of an Emmy award. Who are the three people you’re thanking?

Alison Brod: She tasted my cupcakes, loved them, and introduced me to the caterer who later became one of our co-founders.
Brian Bushell: My big brother and co-founder, who saw the potential for Baked by Melissa before I did, and lifted me up when I didn't have confidence in myself.
Matt Baer: Childhood friend and co-founder, Matt created our logo in minutes and designed every aspect of our brand, from our logo to our stores to our website.

Where have you caused some good trouble in your career?

Everywhere. I’m always causing trouble. It’s important to stir the pot and challenge the status quo.

Get 15% off when you spend $30+ on Baked by Melissa's signature bite-size cupcakes, perfect for gifts, celebrations, and self-love. Use code GETBAKED15. Redeem online at bakedbymelissa.com or in any Baked by Melissa store.

Want to nominate a “Troublemaker” you admire? You can do so here.

THE WOMEN WHO POWERED MILANO CORTINA

Alysa Liu wins gold in figure skating, becoming the first U.S. woman to win since 2002.
Leila Edwards makes history as the first Black American woman to win an Olympic hockey medal.
Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the most decorated alpine skier of all time, claiming slalom gold 12 years after her first Olympic win.
Eileen Gu becomes the most decorated female freeskier of all time, with a total of six Olympic medals, three of which were won at the Milan Cortina Olympics.
Bobsledder Elana Meyers Taylor makes history with her first Olympic gold at age 41. She is the most decorated Black athlete in Winter Olympics history.
Chloe Kim, Choi Ga-on, and Mitsuki Ono make history when they represented the first-ever all Asian women’s halfpipe podium.
Francesca Lollobrigida wins gold in the women’s 3000-meter race, setting a new Olympic record and earning Italy’s first-ever Olympic speed skating gold by an Italian woman.
Claudia Riegler becomes the oldest female Winter Olympian in history at 52 years old.
Regina Martínez, an ER doctor who trained for cross-country skiing after hospital shifts, roller skiing on pavement, is the first woman to represent Mexico in cross-country skiing.
Tallulah Proulx makes history as the first woman to ever represent the Philippines at the Winter Olympics.

DEAR FQ

Your burning career questions answered

Josephine Reynolds of The Female Quotient weighs in:

It’s tough to have a manager who runs hot and cold. When someone is supportive one week and checks out the next, it leaves you wondering where you stand.

First, try not to take it personally. Inconsistency says more about them than it does you. Some managers are stretched thin. You can make up for their deficits by communicating clearly: recap decisions in emails, ask clear questions when there is an absence of direction, and request regular check-ins. These guardrails can help ensure you stay on course, even when they’re not.

But if you find yourself constantly second-guessing, working overtime to fill leadership gaps, or feeling anxious about their mood swings? That’s not sustainable, and it’s not your job to fix. Consistency isn’t a luxury in a workplace; it’s a requirement. If that’s missing, it may be time to look for a role where you’re supported, seen, and not stuck managing up just to stay afloat. You deserve a present and engaged manager, not just so you can get your job done, but so you can grow and learn.

P.S. Got a burning career question? Serve it up here to Dear FQ to score advice from a powerhouse leader in our network.

POLL THE PACK

What one extra hour reveals about daily life

Life is busy, and no, we can’t magically add an extra hour to the day. But if we could? Here’s what people really value when time isn’t the constraint.

Connection tops the list. One-third of people say they’d spend that extra hour with friends or family. Even in a hyper-digital world, we’re craving deeper, real-life interactions.

Rest comes in second. With 26% choosing sleep, it’s clear many are running on empty. Add in the 23% who’d use that hour to work out, and a trend emerges: people are prioritizing their physical and mental well-being over passive entertainment.

When given the gift of time, it’s not binge-watching or scrolling that rises to the top; it’s community, rest, and health. A reminder that these aren’t luxuries, they’re essentials.

Know your worth and don’t accept anything less.

Xo,

The FQ

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