đź’Ś Weekly: We asked men....to take their wife's last name
Presented by Instrument
The Female Quotient
July 07, 2026 • Estimated Reading Time: 7 minutes
WHAT’S ON DECK
Tell Me More: To change or not to change your last name after marriage? It’s a personal decision, and well, that’s that on that.
FQ Leaders Spotlight: Sage Lenier, Activist & Founder of Futureline
Dear FQ: The single most important rule about managing difficult conversations.
Poll the Pack: 🚨 Go touch grass. (Respectfully.)
TELL ME MORE
The name game
Planning a wedding is basically a full-time job: venue, dress, seating chart politics, and then there’s the big one…your last name. Most married women today take their spouse’s name, so we took to the streets to ask men if they would take their wife's last name. The answers? Let’s just say they were…complicated.
Shakespeare asked, “What’s in a name?” Clearly, he never tried updating his passport, credit cards, and every login he’s ever had. Changing your name might feel romantic, or like building a shared identity as a family, but it’s also a full-blown administrative rebrand. And yet, most women still do it. 77% of married women take their partner’s last name, and 64% of unmarried women expect to. On the surface, it might seem like a personal choice, and it is, but it’s also layered with history, expectation, and increasingly, real-world implications that go far beyond the wedding day.
And if things don’t work out, the process doesn’t just reverse itself. Many women who change their names after marriage end up keeping it post-divorce, not necessarily out of choice, but because undoing it is just as complicated, if not more so. According to research conducted by The FQ, The Knot, and Smith Geiger Group, 60% of women kept their ex-husband’s name, while 35% changed back to their maiden name. The latter get hit with the hassle and the cost.
Changing your last name is not a generational thing. 63% of Gen X, 63% of Millennial, and 65% of Gen Z women are planning on getting a new moniker. When it comes to men weighing in, only about half believe it’s the woman’s right to choose. It’s a complicated and nuanced discussion, especially given its history.
The tradition of women taking their husband’s last name dates back to coverture, an English common law where a woman’s legal identity was absorbed into her husband’s. She couldn’t own property, vote, or exist independently in the eyes of the law. When she was “given away” by her father (Does “Who gives this woman to be married?” sound familiar?), it was actually ownership of the woman that was being transferred. When she was taken into her husband’s family, she took on his last name and became his responsibility.
Not exactly the origin story most people are thinking about when they say “I do.” Coverture made its way to America and became common practice. In 1855, Lucy Stone was the first American woman to buck the trend. She wrote to her fiancé, “A wife should no more take her husband's name than he should hers. My name is my identity and must not be lost.” Until the 1970s, almost all women changed their names upon marrying, as it garnered them more rights, like being able to secure a driver’s license, open a credit card, and vote. In fact, it was only in 1976 (just 50 years ago!) that Hawaii reversed the law making it mandatory for a wife to take her husband’s last name.
Today, for some women, changing their name represents unity and a shared identity as a family. For others, keeping their name is about preserving a sense of self and staying connected to their own history and the life they built before marriage. In today’s world, that choice carries new weight because your name is more than personal, it’s professional. It’s your byline, your LinkedIn, and your search results. It’s how your work is found, credited, and remembered. Women are getting married later, often after years of building careers tied to their name. Changing it can feel less like a fresh start and more like starting over. And now, with AI shaping how information is discovered, the stakes are even higher.
AI has disrupted how we search for information, so changing a woman’s last name can result in accomplishments that are associated with her original name to become unsearchable in algorithms. Research shows women can experience up to a 30% drop in professional recognition after changing their last name, years of work suddenly harder to trace, connect, and validate. Platforms like job applications, academic records, and social media accounts often fail to connect the dots between old and new names.
So the question isn’t, “What’s in a name?” It’s: “What does it impact?” This conversation feels more nuanced than ever. Because while 42% of husbands have strong feelings about their wives changing their name, only 3% of men have taken their partner’s last name. Haley Metzger said, “You want your kids to have the same name as both of their parents, or it's romantic to have the same name. But if those were really the reasons, then why don't we see more men taking their wives' name? Most men act like it would be some kind of humiliation ritual to have to take a woman's name. That should tell you something about how he views you taking his name, like it's some sort of demeaning act of submission that you should do, but he would never consider.”
At the end of the day, this isn’t about what women should do. It’s about the fact that whatever they choose to do, it’s a decision that extends far beyond the wedding. It’s about identity, visibility, and legacy. The real shift isn’t in the choice itself, but in the freedom to make it without judgment, expectation, or assumption. Shakespeare was right when he asked, “What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Why don’t we ask the rose what it wants to be called first?
Consumers don't experience AI as technology. They experience it as moments: a search result that answers a question, a meeting summary that saves time, or a recommendation that feels surprisingly helpful. Read Instrument's latest perspective on what will define the next phase of AI adoption here.
FQ LEADERS SPOTLIGHT
Troublemakers who don’t fit the mold, and don’t try to
As a climate activist, Sage Lenier founded Futureline, an environmental think tank to develop solutions to combat the climate crisis. She also founded Sustainable and Just Future, a youth-led nonprofit focusing on environmental education. As a student at University of California, Berkeley, she created and taught the record-breaking course, Solutions for a Sustainable and Just Future. She has spoken all over the world, and in 2023 was named one of ten Next-Generation Leaders by TIME magazine.
What’s the worst career advice you’ve gotten?
I was told not to use social media or to only use it in a professional sense. I think there’s a worry that what you post personally can affect you professionally. But what many people don’t understand is that the landscape has changed so much. You need social media to reach people. You should have an authentic presence and not be a robot on LinkedIn where you are only making “I am excited to announce…” posts.
What’s the best piece of non-obvious career advice you’ve gotten?
Write more directly. Many women are conditioned to spend extra time softening emails or making sure every line lands perfectly. I’ve started prioritizing clarity and getting to the point without over-explaining or overthinking.
What was a heartbeat moment for you in your career?
My heartbeat moment came when I realized how energized I felt being around people working to make the world better, whether in climate, poverty, or female empowerment. That inspired me to build a “brain trust” at Frontline, bringing together incredible young professionals under 35 across politics, the private sector, nonprofits, and finance.
We tap into their perspectives on leadership and what’s happening in their fields, creating space for shared insights and cross-sector learning. It’s a way to surface new thinking, shape strategy, and ultimately build smarter paths forward, together.
Who is one person you’d love to give flowers to from your career that influenced your journey? What advice or lesson did you learn from them?
I would give flowers to Nathaniel Brooks Horwitz, the CEO of Hunterbrook. Last year, I was discussing an idea with him and he told me I needed to think 10x bigger. It surprised me because everyone in the climate world was telling me to start smaller, as it's so hard to get funding. He asked me, “Why do you care what they think? If you think you have a better idea, then go out and find people who aren't in the climate world.” It blew my mind.
His advice pushed me to believe in possibilities others might dismiss as impossible. As women, I think we hold a lot of self-limiting beliefs. It’s not that we're not as capable, it’s that we haven't opened our minds to all that we're capable of.
Where have you caused some good trouble in your career?
While I was an undergrad at Berkeley, I started teaching because I felt there was an opportunity to dig further into environmental education. Much of the coursework focused on understanding the scale and urgency of climate change, but my peers and I were already aware. What we were missing were the tools to actually solve the problem.
I saw how overwhelming the climate crisis felt for many students, and how that translated into a sense of helplessness. So I created a class called Solutions for a Sustainable and Just Future, focused on action and problem-solving. It went on to become the largest student-led course in Berkeley’s history.
Want to nominate a “Troublemaker” you admire? You can do so here.
DEAR FQ
Your burning career questions answered
Jon Ronga of The Female Quotient weighs in:
Start by setting the expectation early that feedback is part of growth. When that's the norm, it can make harder talks feel less like an ambush and more like part of an ongoing dialogue.
Before a hard conversation, get clear on your intention. You’re not there to criticize, you’re there to help them improve. That clarity keeps the conversation focused and constructive.
When you’re in it, lead with specific examples, not generalizations. Stay grounded in facts, and approach it with empathy. Ask questions, listen actively, and make sure the other person feels heard, because without that, the conversation won’t move forward. The aptly named book, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, says: “The single most important rule about managing the interaction is this: You can’t move the conversation in a more positive direction until the other person feels heard and understood. And they won’t feel heard and understood until you’ve listened.”
And don’t wait for the perfect moment. The longer you avoid it, the harder it becomes. Done right, these conversations don’t demotivate, they do the opposite: they build trust, clarity, and stronger teams.
P.S. Got a burning career question? Serve it up here to Dear FQ to score advice from a powerhouse leader in our network.
POLL THE PACK
🚨PSA: take a break!
We all know work can be stressful, but the best performers aren’t powering through nonstop, they’re stepping away. Movement, fresh air, a coffee break, or a change of pace all work as a reset. And yet, nearly 1 in 5 employees are still skipping breaks altogether. That “push through it” mindset is not a badge of honor, it’s a fast track to burnout.
Taking a break isn’t slacking, it’s a strategy. Those getting it right are the ones who make space to reset and come back sharper, even if it’s just 15 minutes. As writer Anne Lamott says, “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you." So what are you waiting for?
Now go ahead, make a name for yourself ✨
Xo,
The FQ
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