The kids are asleep, the dishes are done, your inbox can wait, and you’ve grumbled to yourself, “There aren’t enough hours in the day.” Congratulations! At long last, it’s you-time. This is the hour you finally get to do something for yourself: watch one episode (or three), scroll TikTok, enjoy some online retail therapy, or spend 22 minutes on your skincare routine. After spending all day taking care of everyone else, you deserve it.

For one glorious hour, no one needs anything from you, so naturally you spend the next four hours doing everything except sleeping. It’s called “revenge bedtime procrastination,” the psychological habit of delaying sleep, even when you’re exhausted, to reclaim a sense of control. Sound familiar, moms?

This isn't a new phenomenon, but it finally has a name. Somewhere, a cavewoman probably stayed up a little too late perfecting her cave art because it was the only five minutes that belonged to her. Researchers coined the term "bedtime procrastination" in 2014 to describe the habit of sacrificing sleep to reclaim time after a day that never felt like your own. Sleep expert Dr. Shelby Harris has an even more relatable name for it: "momsomnia." Considering women still do more than three-quarters of the world's unpaid care work, it's no surprise. When everyone else is finally asleep, you want a little time for yourself. The problem is that tomorrow morning doesn't care why you stayed up.

Sleep isn't a luxury. Miss out on the recommended 7–9 hours, and your brain starts running on low battery. Your focus, patience, memory, and decision-making all take a hit. As sleep expert Kelly Murray explains, sleep deprivation pushes the brain into fight-or-flight mode, making even small stressors feel overwhelming. And over time, the effects go far beyond feeling tired. Chronic sleep deprivation has been linked to everything from heart disease to dementia.

Consistently missing sleep puts you into what’s referred to as sleep debt. And just like financial debt, the only way to pay it back is with more sleep. And no, you can't just catch up on the weekends. A week of too little sleep can throw off your internal clock, drain your energy, and even make you hungrier. So why do we keep doing it? Psychiatrist Dr. Charles Sweet explains, "Self-control is often so worn down by the end of the day that the short-term satisfaction wins out over our body's need for sleep." In other words, the more exhausted you are, the more tempting it is to stay up reclaiming time for yourself. And that's the trap: the more sleep you lose, the more you feel like you need that late-night escape.

The answer isn't to just become a better sleeper, it's to stop making bedtime the only time that belongs to you. A few small changes can help you reclaim your time without stealing it from your sleep:

The irony is we've mastered bedtime routines for everyone else, and it’s time we create one for ourselves. Sleep is one of the greatest investments you can make in your health, your patience, and the people you love. If you're reading this in bed...this is your cue 😴

Although women represent more than half of the global population, only 7% of healthcare research focuses on conditions that exclusively affect women. There’s so much opportunity to change this, including in two crucial areas: breast cancer and menopause. The FQ is excited to join HLTH as the Official Women’s Health Partner to continue the conversation, pushing women’s healthcare forward.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and Oct. 18 marks World Menopause Day, two reminders of just how much work is left to do. About 1 in 8 women in the U.S. will develop breast cancer in their lifetime, while roughly 1.3 million U.S. women enter the menopause transition every year. It’s time to close the gaps in research, funding, access, and care.

Heading to HLTH USA? Special offer for The FQ community: Get $250 off registration with code H26PAR_FQ250. Plus, save an additional $300+ when you get your ticket by midnight on Friday, October 23 - a $550+ savings! Register here.

Justine Palefsky and Tasneem Amina are Co-Founders and CEO and President, respectively, of Kindred, a members-only global home swapping service that’s ready to make your Nancy Meyers’ The Holiday dreams come true. Kindred allows you to quite literally travel freely (when it comes to your accommodations) and experience a sense of community, no matter where you are in the world. Before founding the company, both helped scale Opendoor in leadership roles across product, growth, and operations.

What’s the worst career advice you’ve gotten?

JP: I was told that in order to be taken seriously and not perceived as “soft,” I needed to smile less and not be so friendly. But I realized that the only person I could be is me. I'm not going to be successful if I'm trying to wear a mask all day. That would require too much energy, and I want to use my energy on the right things.

TA: To “grin and bear it.” I think this can often be targeted towards women. If something is not to our liking, we’re taught to play along and not speak up so we won’t be seen as high maintenance. But if a man defies those rules, he’s considered a visionary. I disregarded that advice, and it has served me well.

What’s the best piece of non-obvious career advice you’ve gotten?

JP: Stop worrying about the things that you're not great at. You can hire and work around your deficiencies. Instead, take your energy and focus on finding your natural strengths and turning them into superpowers.

TA: Failure is not as catastrophic as you might think. So many people focus on making the right decision and creating the conditions necessary to facilitate that. I joined a start-up that ultimately failed, but it gave me the best crash course. You can do everything in your power to ensure success, but when it hits the atmosphere, it's up to everyone else. Having that experience was the main reason I made the switch into the career that I have today, and I’ve since had the most successful period of my life.

What was a heartbeat moment for you in your career?

JP: I had a heartbeat moment during my first ever home swap. I found a couple who lived in Lake Tahoe. It’s a beautiful place, but it can be expensive to secure a rental, particularly in the winter. I didn’t know the couple, but they went to my college. We got on FaceTime and I explained that I lived in San Francisco. We ended up organizing a week-long home swap: I stayed in their place and they stayed in mine. 

Everyone was asking me how much I spent on the rental, but I spent nothing; we had simply traded homes. It felt like I had discovered the best life hack. Then I came home and it was perfectly clean with a bottle of wine, a candle, and a lovely note written by their 9-year-old son waiting for me. In the note, they thanked me for a wonderful experience in the city. It felt so good to have given somebody that gift, instead of my home just sitting empty while I was away. When Tas and I decided to create our company, we were underestimated by just about everyone. But that first swap empowered me to build something I believed in and was excited about.

TA: I was born and raised in India until I was 15 years old and I had a predetermined path to be a doctor. When I got to college, it didn’t feel right. At the end of my sophomore year, I decided to switch into banking. I ended up hating it through my internship and eventual full-time employment. I asked myself, “Why didn’t I at least attempt to pursue something I liked?” So I joined a startup and that didn't work out. I went from a predetermined, successful career path to one where I experienced failure, but it wound up being the right field for me. It was a heartbeat moment because it made me realize that it's not just one swing that gets you to where you need to be. It’s the resilience and courage to keep going.

Who is one person you’d love to give flowers to from your career that influenced your journey? What advice or lesson did you learn from them?

JP: It would be Tas. She is truly my other half. I wouldn't be able to do this every day without her. Our brains work in such different ways and it's been such a rich relationship to learn somebody else's mind. I’ve also learned how to channel her. I borrow a lot of confidence and stability from her, and I think she borrows things from me too. We keep each other alive and in this thing.

Where have you caused some good trouble in your career?

JP: One of our company values is to rewrite the rules. Sometimes the old rules need to be thrown out.

TA: In the early days of Kindred, we had an image of an ant with a little chalk drawing around it. It was based on something we did as children in India: if we drew a chalk circle around ants, they wouldn’t cross the line. For me, it served as a metaphor for how we all have invisible boundaries that we are, in fact, able to cross, but for whatever reason, we don’t. And it’s our job to cause good trouble by figuring out whether those boundaries are real or constructed.

Want to make your Nancy Meyers’ The Holiday dreams come true? Use code FEMALEQUOTIENT for $100 off your first Kindred trip once you’ve confirmed your first trip as a host. Sign up here. Paid partnership with Kindred. FQ earns a commission when you sign up with our code.

Sarah Williams of The Female Quotient weighs in:

This is an easy trap to fall into. One day you're experimenting with AI to make your work easier, and the next you're fielding questions from teammates and troubleshooting prompts. Becoming the "AI person" can happen overnight, and that's not a bad thing. If your peers are turning to you with questions, it's a sign that you've created value. You're helping your team adapt, work more efficiently, and navigate change. The use of AI is on the rise. In the U.S., 13% of workers use it every day, while 28% say they use it a few times a week. And that’s exactly how careers evolve. New skills open doors to new opportunities, greater visibility, and leadership you may not have expected.

The challenge here is balance. You want to ensure that this skill doesn't become your entire job. The solution is shifting from being the person with all the answers to the one who helps others build capability. Instead of taking on every request, create simple guides, host a lunch-and-learn, or build a library of prompts your teammates can adapt on their own. Your team will build their confidence implementing AI, and you’ll be helping to build the infrastructure for your organization to navigate what's next, while continuing to grow your own career in the process.

P.S. Got a burning career question? Serve it up here to Dear FQ to score advice from a powerhouse leader in our network.

If you don't advocate for yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? It can feel uncomfortable, but communicating your ambitions, contributions, and goals isn't bragging, it's part of the job. Talent may get you in the room, but self-advocacy helps you grow, lead, and create new opportunities.

While nearly 75% of employees say they advocate for themselves at least some of the time, only 37% do it consistently. Too often, we assume hard work speaks for itself. In reality, visibility is a career strategy. The 26% who rarely or never advocate for themselves highlight a challenge many professionals, especially women, still face. An Indeed study found that 73% of women worry about how they'll be perceived when they speak up. The truth is, self-advocacy is about making sure your contributions and your impact don't go unnoticed.

Please pardon any errors. This was written by a mom, who was late-night scrolling 🤳

Xo,

The FQ

Don’t forget to let us know what you think of The FQ Newsletter here.