Is it optimism or toxic positivity?

WHAT’S ON DECK

• Tell Me More:  Is It Optimism or Toxic Positivity?

• Troublemaker Spotlight: Dr. Uche Ralph-Opara, Chief Health Officer at Project Hope

• Dear FQ: Do I Need to Make Work Friends?

• Poll the Pack: A Moment of Recognition, A Lasting Effect

TELL ME MORE

Toxic positivity, optimism, and the art of keeping it real

Optimism. The very thing you need for leading teams, delivering projects on a tight deadline, and developing relationships at work. Optimism is a key driver of success—in life, in your career, and in your overall happiness. But what happens when it goes too far? 

Enter: Toxic positivity. 

Toxic positivity is an unhealthy pressure to remain positive, no matter the circumstances, and it might look like: 

• Your boss doubling your targets without giving you resources to get there, chanting, “You got this!” 

• Telling your team, “Focus on the positive” after a bad launch, without discussing the reality of the losses and key learnings to move forward.

• Repeatedly flagging a very real, potentially harmful problem to the wider team—only to be told, “Just don’t worry about it.” 

• A team leader managing interpersonal conflict by insisting, “This is fine; we’re all friends here.” 

While it might seem positive to be so, well… positive, toxic positivity shutters the option for employees to express their emotions and learn from failure, only making room for “good vibes.” In the end, suppressing your emotions can lead to a lower level of life satisfaction and decrease camaraderie for projects and everyday work. 

Let’s be real—not every moment is Instagram-worthy. Sometimes, we fail. And accepting that failure will move you a lot further down the path toward growth than cheerful denial ever could.

In her book Toxic Positivity, Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed With Being Happy, licensed therapist Whitney Goodman notes: “People often need to accept the reality of a situation before moving forward. Not all situations have a silver lining or a positive spin. Some things are just really, really hard, and that’s OK.”

In other words: the antidote to toxic positivity? 

Keeping it real. 

Instead of handwaving away the skeptics on your team, spend time hearing out their perspectives. And instead of trying to grin-and-bear it through a challenge, acknowledge that frustration, difficulty, and disappointment are just parts of work and life.

That kind of openness certainly brings its benefits at work: 

• Companies that outperform their peers are 30% more likely to identify openness as a key feature of their culture.

• 9 in 10 employees want their employers to be transparent. 

• 80% of employees who received meaningful (read: not sugar-coated) feedback are fully engaged afterwards. 

• 86% of leaders agree that the more transparent an organization is, the greater the workforce trust.

So the next time you’re tempted to jump to, “Everything is totally fine!” when everything is, in fact, not totally fine, take a beat to acknowledge the things that are difficult, floundering, or messy. Instead, try something supportive that doesn’t minimize the reality of the situation like, “This didn’t have the results we were hoping for. Let’s talk it through and I’m here to help.”  

That honesty might actually be worth being optimistic about. 

Bottom line: If you don’t acknowledge failures, how do you learn and grow? Challenges, missteps, and tension are a crucial part of success—and giving yourself the space to recognize and learn from them only makes you stronger. So let’s keep it real—growth comes from the tough moments, not just the wins. 

TROUBLEMAKER SPOTLIGHT

Dr. Uche Ralph-Opara, Chief Health Officer at Project Hope

Dr. Uche Ralph-Opara is the woman we all want advocating for us. Public service runs in her blood, thanks to a childhood spent watching her mother be “a brilliant medical doctor, public health specialist, nutritionist, researcher, and lecturer” in Nigeria. Dr. Uche followed in her mother’s footsteps, earning an MBBS from the University of Port-Harcourt, Nigeria, an MSc in Public Health from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, and an MBA from the University of South Wales. 

She has been recognized by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation with the Breastfeeding Hero Award, and has made significant contributions to advancing maternal and child health worldwide. 

FQ: What’s the worst career advice you’ve gotten?

UR: Stay in your lane.

If you're an infectious disease expert, for instance, just stick with it and grow there. I wouldn't be where I am today if I had done that. I started as a medical doctor, had a stint with healthcare management under a health insurance company, and then eventually transitioned to public health. Even within public health, I’ve navigated various program areas from infectious diseases, HIV, TB, maternal, newborn, and child health nutrition system strengthening. 

That's not staying in my lane at all! Having a 360-degree holistic approach to public health programming has helped me to get to where I am.

What’s the best piece of non-obvious career advice you’ve gotten?

Listen to the quiet voices. Throughout my career, one of the things I've learned is that wisdom doesn't always shout out—sometimes it whispers. 

I'm very big on patient-centered approaches and listening to the people and the beneficiaries we serve. Sometimes, we get caught up in designing programs and interventions based on what we think they need. But if we sit and listen to patients and we just say, “What do you want?” Or listen to that frontline worker who probably doesn't want more training, but wants to be equipped with the commodities, supplies, and tools. That would help us design programs that are centered for our clients and our patients.

What was a “heartbeat moment” for you in your career?

When I started as a clinician, I met this young woman who was newly diagnosed with HIV. She just came for her routine antenatal (prenatal) care and counseling. We tested her and she was HIV positive—she had no idea before she came and it was really, really traumatizing for her. She had to deal with all the stigma, the uncertainty, the fear, and being pregnant with that worry of passing the virus to the baby. 

She was enrolled in the PMTCT Program (Prevention of Mother-to-Child Transmission), which we were doing at the time. I walked that journey with her through every appointment. After nine months, she delivered an HIV-negative baby.

Walking her through that journey, being with her, seeing her celebrate the win of having a negative baby, and then watching this child grow and be healthy—that was a defining moment for me. Very recently, she called me to say, “Hey, he's gone into college.”

And I think for me, that’s what I'll call my “heartbeat moment.” Like, “Yes, I'm in the right place.”

Imagine you just received a prestigious global health leadership award. Who are the three people you’re thanking that aren’t at your current gig?

First, my parents. They are the definition of true humanitarianism and what it stands for. Growing up in that environment, my parents were very big on humanity, service, and selflessness. That ignited my passion to go into medicine or public health. 

Dr. Chikwe Ihekweazu just stepped into a new role as WHO’s acting regional director for Africa. He's been a leading figure in the global health security space, especially with regards to pandemic preparedness and response. I really appreciate how he's strengthened the public health infrastructure in Africa and helped with setting up the WHO Hub for Pandemic and Epidemic Intelligence, which has been crucial in preventing future global health crises. 

Not just a friend, but a mentor, the co-founder and CEO of Mdoc, Dr. Nneka Mobisson. What excites me about her is her passion and innovative thinking. She had this vision around leveraging digital health solutions to improve chronic disease management, and that was born out of a personal experience. Through her work, more people, especially women, are able to receive affordable, high-quality care.

Can I have a bonus shout-out? Rabih Torbay, CEO of Project Hope. He leads with his heart and is truly inspiring. He always promotes women, whether it's within Project Hope or the communities we serve.

Where have you caused trouble?

I'm very passionate about any work with women and girls. Until they start to lead in conversations, I'll continue to speak.

One of the things I've continued to do, whether it's in my policy discussions, program design, or funding decisions, is always try to integrate women’s and girls’ health and well-being—I want to ensure that they are at the table when decisions about their futures are made.

Whether we like it or not, we need to make sure women and girls are front and center of global health. Until that happens, I will continue to make good trouble. 

DEAR FQ

Your burning career questions answered

Rachel Apirian of The Female Quotient weighs in:

The short answer is yes. 

The long answer is: Meaningful relationships with your colleagues have a host of benefits, beyond making your 9 to 5 much more enjoyable and just plain fun!

​​Research shows that friendships are beneficial for our overall health, financial success, and can even help us live longer. And friends at work? Developing your professional network is essential to long-term career growth. People who cultivate strong networks have higher salaries and earn more promotions. 

That being said, it’s important to develop work friendships that are authentic and meaningful. If your question stems from not vibing with specific people, reach out to other coworkers and attend company events to cast a wide net to increase your chances of meeting people you genuinely enjoy being around. 

Cultivating friendships takes time, both inside and outside the office. Work friends make the day to day more fun. Building connections is time well spent—for your career and your daily sanity. So go ahead, grab that coffee, crack that joke, and invest in the people around you. Your future (and your lunch breaks) will thank you.

P.S. Got a burning career question? Serve it up here to Dear FQ to score advice from a powerhouse leader in our network.

POLL THE PACK

Beyond the paycheck: Why recognition fuels engagement and retention

It’s actually the little things. Recognizing the contributions of individuals on your team is essential for healthy teams and organizations. 

Employees who feel their achievements are recognized are 56% less likely to look for a new job and 40% more engaged at work. That translates to big financial gains for organizations that take the time to highlight and recognize the contributions of individuals, not just celebrate targets. 

If you’re a leader, keep in mind that celebrating someone’s wins doesn’t need to be an elaborate production. Start with recognition in a meeting or a 1:1 chat, and routinely check in with people on your team to ask what they’re working on—some of their biggest accomplishments might be flying under the radar. 

Positive reinforcement without toxic positivity? Check.

Xo,

The FQ

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